Redemption
by Twlight Eclipse At Midnight
Summary: Jason Morgan hated to lie. He had allowed his own treacherous lies to destroy his life and so many others. But, maybe, the lies can finally bring him full circle to the truth. Dedicated to Micia. Jason Morgan. Mild Liason thoughts. JaSam.


"I've never loved anyone as much as I love you

"_I've never loved __**anyone**__ as much as I love you. And I always will!"_

Jason Morgan was a man who hated to lie. But he realized, as he looked back on his life during the past year or so, it was all he had been doing lately. It had started in a hospital room. In a sterile, drab room that smelled like death and antiseptic. Her blood still stained his skin and clothes. Machines beeped rhythmically around them as he counted each breath her broken body took. _"Don't let them take my ring."_ She had begged him. And he had kept it safe each time they had taken her to the operating room. He had clutched it in his grasp each time they had sliced her open with their scalpels, praying over it like a catholic does with the rosary. He went through hell to make her live. He breathed for her and let his heart beat in place of hers. And then he walked away the moment he had finally been able to looking into the eyes that he had missed so much. He broke her in a way that no bullet, no other person, ever could.

She had fought for him. More than any other person had ever dared to. She refused to give up, to believe the treacherous lies that had fallen from his lips. She had known. But of course she would have. She knew him better than anyone else, alive or dead. She could look into his pale blue eyes and know exactly what he needed without him ever uttering a sound. She knew when to push and when to give him space. She knew when to hold him and when to let him hold her. She made him do things that had seemed so trite and below his understanding of the world. But nothing is ever trite. Bubble baths and late night dance in the moon were all he had left of her. No decision, no action, would ever taint them. She was relentless. And fearless to a point that terrified him, erecting barriers that she couldn't touch.

Then the blackout happened. She had succumbed to months of pressure, lies, and degradation. A few slick words and a bottle of alcohol. His heart had broken at the sight of her in his arms. His stomach had churned and for the first time in his life his emotions had made him physically ill. What better way to drown your sorrows than with a bottle of tequila? He, of course, had to top it all off by drowning them in meaningless, cheap sex. It was night that both of them would have killed to forget. Except that it had resulted in a beautiful little boy, a son that he could never actually have. That was the start of a lie that he would have to tell for the rest of his life.

He should never have blamed her for the things that she did after the truth came out about Jake. He had pushed her so far past any normal person's breaking point. And she had held up through it all. But Elizabeth had given him, in a sense, the one thing she never could. A child to call his own, even if it was only behind closed doors. And who's fault was that? He was the reason Elizabeth had gotten pregnant. He was the reason that she never would be able to again. He had taken away her every wish and dream. He had crushed them beneath the heels of his motorcycle boots without much thought. It had seemed like the right thing, the only way to keep her safe. He had known that it would shatter her inside. And, although she was stronger than anyone else he had ever known, she could only take so much before the pain just took over.

His lies had set it all into motion. But he still broke into her apartment and lurked in the shadows until she came home. And he scared her, used her secrets against her, and threatened the life of the very woman that he had loved for so long. He threatened to take away the one thing he had always sworn to protect. It was a sick and twisted moment when the words rolled off his tongue. He had hurt her in every conceivable way so that she would be safe from him and the life he had chosen to lead. And yet he still stood there and threatened to kill her if she every betrayed him like that again. The pot calling the kettle black. He had betrayed her in every way, shape, and form.

He loved Elizabeth. He had, in some way, loved her for years. But she couldn't handle the life he led, couldn't risk her sons lives for her own pleasure. So he let another man raise his son. And he watched the same man pick Sam up off the ground and show her what love could be like. It seemed only fitting that Lucky should get everything he had ever wanted after Jason had worked so hard to trash it all with his own two hands. And, yet, that did nothing to ease the constant ache inside of him that threatened to swallow him whole at any given moment. He touched his fingertips to the cool glass of the windows overlooking the harbor. He had been so lost in thought that he almost didn't hear the persistent knocking on his door.

"Sam." The one name fell from his lips for the first time in so long. She looked the same. He could almost make himself believe that the past hadn't happened, that she was still his and had just forgotten her key. But they both knew that this was no longer her home. He was no longer the man she turned to in the middle of the night when she was cold or fighting some unseen demon. He wasn't the one that held her hand or kissed away her tears. He was nothing to her anymore. And he had no to blame but himself. That just didn't make it any easier. He cleared his thought and stepped aside to let her in. She bit her a lip, a nervous habit that she had never been able to break. "What can I do for you?"

"For starters, Jason? You can stop hating me for five minutes. Because you'll hate me more than ever once I tell you what I came here to say." Sam takes a deep, shaky breath and makes her way to the couch. She's so familiar with everything around her that it's _almost_ like she had never left.

"I don't hate you." The words were so quiet that she very nearly didn't hear them.

"Where's Spinelli?" She was stalling. They both knew it, but he figured that she just needed the time to collect her thoughts.

"Out. Doing whatever it is that he… does." Jason perches himself on the coffee table in front of her, dangling his hands between his legs. "Say whatever it is you came to say. I won't hate you. I won't blame you."

"You've nothing but that since… God, it seems like forever, Jason. But you're right. I need to just spit it out and let the chips fall where they may." Sam licks her lips and stares at her platform heels. He had never understood how she could walk in shoes like them. But she managed to never fall. She was the epitome of grace. Her voice, catching on each word and nearly breaking into a complete sob, breaks through his hazy cloud of thought. "There was a car accident tonight. Lucky had stopped by the hospital to pick Liz and the boys up because her car is in the shop. I'm so sorry, Jason, but only the boys survived."

"Elizabeth's dead?" The words are foreign, unwanted. They leave a bitter, biting taste in his mouth. He wants to scream at the injustice of it all. He had sacrificed Elizabeth and their son to keep them safe. And she had died anyway. She had died with Lucky, the loyal cop who represented everything that Jason wasn't. "Sam, I'm sorry about Lucky. I can't believe you're even standing right now."

"He was a really good guy, Jason. I know you and him had your problems. But he was a good guy."

"I know he was. I've known him since he was just a street punk defying the world. And Elizabeth was by his side back then. It's actually kind of fitting that she was with him tonight." He inhales and fights the painful moisture that was welling up inside of him. He brushes the tears from her porcelain face. He hadn't even noticed when she started crying. He's leaning forward before he even realizes it. His lips touch hers. He feels her body jolt with surprise. But she quickly melts under his onslaught. Her fingers latch on his shoulders as his snake their way through her long tresses.

"Don't do this, Jason. I can't go through it all again." She gasps through her tears and his kisses. Somehow she had stopped believing that he had ever loved her.

"I loved Elizabeth. I won't lie or deny it. But, Sam, I told you once that I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. And that I never will. That, despite everything else, wasn't a lie." Jason pulls her into his arms and just holds her. The pain from their mistakes, from their recent loss, is too fresh. But there's time for them. He'll make sure that there's time. He will get his son and bring him home. They'll put Lucky and Elizabeth to rest and slowly get over the overwhelming guilt and grief that is threatening to drown them. And then he'll convince her to marry him, to raise Jake with him. He won't lie this time around. He'll do it right.

Jason Morgan hated to lie. It had destroyed his life, and many others, one time around. But, in the end, the lies brought them full circle to the truth. And nothing would take that away from him again.


End file.
